I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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