I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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