She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
