They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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