well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
