By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
