how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
