then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
