Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
