I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
