I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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