Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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