I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
