Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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