somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
