I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
