dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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