Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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