Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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