its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
