This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
