strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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