I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
