About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
