And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
