i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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