Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
