dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
