Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
either way he was missing a nipple.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
