fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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