Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
