you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
