Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
