Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
