margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
