fuck your aforementioned shoe
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
