Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
