I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
