So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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