I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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