i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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