His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
