It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
