I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
