All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's shark week go big or go home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
