just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
