I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love you.
Bad choice
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
