My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
