Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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