The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
