you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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