Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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